Zombie Paradox

You may have heard of another on a plane show. Snakes was the theme there. Now we have zombies. 

I will admit, and will get email about this, that I'm not so much of a fan of this series. It has a huge cult following. And my brother loves all the shows. So much when Bruce Campbell was in town he had all  of his movies signed. Show the love. Here's another blurb to a show I've seen many times and still can't find love. Maybe an adult beverage or 10. My argument is that there may be a zombie or two in this show, but cgi skeleton's don't count. What can I really say about this movie? If you haven't seen it by now, you probably shouldn't be at a site like this. Go buy this. Don't rent, go buy. Bruce needs the money. Watch it sober then watch it completely and fully lite. Like that tree on Christmas eve. If your like me the latter is so much more entertaining.

It's a classic. Watch and learn. I'll get more fun email form the teetotaler's and a few wondering why x-mas was brought up. Figure it out and have a great day.

3 of 5 zp's    

This is one of the 8 films to die for. The only one of the 2006 batch to be somewhat of a zombie show.  I was at odds about using this film on this site. After a few rounds and a little convincing from friends - it's here. After Dark does a great thing. It takes independent filmmakers and lets them make scary movies. Only 8 are released for one weekend. I don't know how or who picks the movies. Some are good a lot are bad. 2006 had more bad than good in it.  Horrorfest 2007 os so much better. The quality all around has improved. I can't wait to see what happens this year.

Our story begins deep in a mine. Children are doing all of the work. Like that scene in Indiana Jones #2 with all the kids mining rocks. A little girl named Mary is told to go down below and crawl through a tunnel to plant dynamite. She plants the explosives and on her way out a tremor hits. She's spooked and freezes. The fuse has been lite and no turning back now. Next few scenes show the mine collapsing all around the children workers. 

We move to a family - mom and 2 daughters driving to a small mountain town. Her husband has past and all that was left is a deed to a cabin. His family has owned it for generations. Though he never spoke of it. Why we wonder. Zombies in the woods of course. As they get to the cabin, it's a little run down. There is blood all over the front door. But they still go inside. The power isn't on the water doesn't work. Other than that it's a nice place to stay.

The youngest daughter finds a new play friend in Mary. No one else has seen her so mom thinks she's pretend. Soon after this people start getting hacked up by our little zombies. They're hungry too. This movie runs a typical course of running through the woods. If someones chasing isn't there always the one who falls down and wants to be left? I think, leave em. At least that will slow down the zombies. Everything form here on is very predictable. I'm not a show spoiler so go rent it and watch for yourself. As I said earlier, Horrorfest 2006 had a few bugs to work out. Did they get them all? Not with show. It had it's moments just too few and far between. Maybe next year.

- minors, oops I mean miners

- bloodly doors

- god's work

- crazy neighbors

- so predictable we screamed the next scene to the tv

- its Horrorfest so go buy it

2 of 5 zp's      

 This movie had a lot of hype and press before it hit the main stream marketplace. I was suckered in by the mass media and bought it a couple weeks after its release. Had to wait for it to go on sale of course. As I watched this, I thought to myself, I'm glad i haven't been drinking or I might hurl. The camera work is all over the place. The acting isn't that bad, not that good either. The story works to a point. Is it entertaining? Yes, yes it is. There's the typical blood and guts. The military with their secret army program experiments. A few teens who always seem to get missed when everything around them is going to hell in a handbasket. 

Then I learned that movie was shot in an amazing 9 days. Yes 9 days. The filmmakers are college students who used their own money to get this movie to market. How can you not show anything but love for this? I wish I had known that prior to watching. Yes, it would have made me like the movie that much more. I also learned that this flick was in the Toronto After Dark Film Fest and earned a 3rd place spirit award. Not to bad for a bunch of college students.

The movie is basically this: a group of friends are on their way to a concert. They notice no traffic. Everything is in a dead silence. Another group of kids is going to a cabin to party. Meanwhile back in town. The local military experiment to bring the dead to life has gone a rye. Zombies start to attack anything and everyone. The kids think it would be best to get to the school, it's always safer there. They march through the woods, the streets, and hordes of zombies. They do make it to the school. I'm ending on that note. The ending of this show is not to bad. Stay tuned for Automation Transfusion: Contingency in early 2009.

- chain sawed zombies

- party zombies

-tongue ripping

- head hammering

- shard in the eye killing

- and finally crazy janitor in the school's basement fun

4 of 5 zp's (I was thinking 3.5 but don't have the .5's)

D 

Todd Sheets was the leading independent B? movie creator of the 80's, 90's, and possible the 2000's. In this time frame he put out a total of 34 films. That's amazing for any film maker. The quality nay not be the best, the acting below sub-par, and the graphics could have been better. Yet he still forged onwards. Is he doing bigger and better films right now? If I heard right, he's running a place called nightwatch radio. I cannot confirm or deny this - I really don't care. Now the trilogy - 

Zombie Bloodbath (1993), Zombie Bloodbath 2 : Revenge of the Undead (1995), Zombie Bloodbath 3 : Zombie Armageddon (2000) all came in a nice box set. Usually I would talk about each movie individually. Not in this case. All three movies have lots of gore, bad acting, and multiple spoofs. The sound tracks aren't half bad. If you watch these shows, and you should, watch them for entertainment purposes only. These three combine for a total of over 5 hours of zombie humor. 

Pick up the set. Have multiple adult beverages and enjoy the gore feast. Don't go writing negative reviews on just how bad these shows are. We all know that all ready. I think everyone knows by looking at the cover just how these will turn out. Remember many,many adult beverages, relax and enjoy. 

2 of 5 zp's 

This flick falls into the classic category. It's one we all have probably seen and not known it. During it's hay-day, it was billed as - it's only a movie remember to breathe, it's only a movie. Let Sleeping Corpses Lie has to be one of the most underrated zombie movies of all time. The story line is good, acting strong, plot and sub plot are written and tie in well. I was impressed. The only negative is that the make up on the zombies isn't Romero like. Does that make it a bad thing? Not at all.

This is supposedly an English zombie tale of yore. It was actually filmed in Spain and Italy. Don't that be a deterrent. Our story begins as an antiquities dealer s on his way to the country to peddle his wares. He stops his motorbike for fuel. During this stop, a car driven by our heroine smashes his ride.  An agreement is made to continue their journey together. He's supposed to be meeting his friends, she's going to her sisters. Spoiler - caution - spoiler - She's actually going to her sisters to put her in rehab. She's a heroin addict. As they drive the countryside, they run into a government test vehicle  thats using radioactive waves to kill all the bugs and rodents. It's really going to help the farmers. It always does. The tests are done in a mile radius. When the power is bumped up to the 5 mile radius kill zone, bad things start to happen. The town drunk drowned a few days ago is now seen wondering. He kills the brother in law. Local police think the stars of our show did it.

Long story short, police are chasing wrong people. Zombies break out of the cemetery, get into the hospital and cause trouble. This show is known for its cutting edge (at the time) special effects. There's a scene were a womens breast gets torn off, stunning audiences everywhere. Zombie fights ensue in the hospital. And a surprise ending. I won't ruin it for you. Watch this when you can.

- British experiments

- minimum of 9 titles

- breast being torn off

- good old fashioned zombie gore

- bad cops

- strong story, with a good ending

4 of 5 zp's     

6/10/08 -

"In a small lakeside hamlet in the French countryside young women are disappearing". A small group of German soldiers are ambushed. Their cold, dead bodies are dumped into a lake. Sounds like a good beginning to a zombie show. First, that's not how the show begins. Opening scene. Lady walking up to the lake. As she gets closer, she begins to remove her clothes. By the time she gets to the lake, she's naked. This isn't the only skinny dipping scene in the show. It comes to my attention that skinny dippers (female) make zombies angry.  

Mind you, this show is not for the faint of heart. Lots of women swimming naked. You can watch the alternate 'clothed' version. But what fun would that be? Anyone who tests the water awakens the dead. These zombies are painted green, at least most of time. They act like zombies, killing everything in their way, at least most of the time. The movie tries to tell a story, at least some of the time. This feels somewhat like softporn. Yes, it's french is that an excuse? Maybe.

Premise German squad ambushed. There bodies dumped in the lake. Their is a curse put on the little village by the lake. The zombies look for this curse. They just happen to kill anyone that gets in the way. The village has a bad mayor who tries to cover up the killings. Big city reporters blow the story wide open. Secret is out. Zombies go away. The end.

highlights

- green painted men

- naked girls

- low budget cgi

- naked girls

- and did I say skinny dipping?

2 of 5 ZP's 

5/20/08-

I just watched this show again. I actually viewed the disc and all of the extras. Mr Romero let's us know that he's going back to his roots. This movie is more like his very first one - only better.  For us of the X generation, this is one of the best  zombie films in the last 10, maybe 20 years.

Our story begins with a group of students trying to film their student project. They get news reports of the dead coming back to life. The beginning of the end? Being the film students they are, they want to get home. But first, they want to document everything that is going on around them. They mount up their RV and head to civilization. Of course the human animal has a plethora of emotions regarding life and death. Why do we feel guilty when we kill something that's already dead? Questions arise about our own mortality, is there a god, and what does the government really let us know? Our students film everything. It becomes quite addictive. I was concerned that the filming may be similar to Cloverfield, thanks god it's not. As our travelers move through the great state of PA, they become jaded to their surroundings. "Looking through glass you become immune. No matter how horrible it is, it's just another day". One of the best quotes of the film. 

This film is Romero at his best. The old guy still has it and doesn't need the big studios to sell films. He really knows how to tell a story. Go buy this movie. Support independent film makers. 

3-13-08
Diary of the Dead hits this market tomorrow morning. Review soon to follow. The is of a group of college kids filming a horror show in the woods. They soon find out that an 'outbreak' has happened. This story is filmed in the same format as The Blair Witch Project. How will this project rate on the gore meter? Will find out tomorrow. Stay tuned.

5/23/08-
How far would you go for true love? Made for tv by showtime entertainment. This is a story of a newlywed couple that goes to the beach for a honeymoon. While there, a man walks out the ocean and infects the husband. The wife doesn't want to break up. So she takes matters into her own hands. Can she keep her husband in the state he's in? Would you? 

The story is fun. It's predictable. I enjoyed watching the dvd extras more than the movie itself. I didn't realize that this show has been on showtime, the sci-fi, and countless other channels before it was purchased. Only if I knew. Not the best of reviews, but it's not the best of stories. Maybe a remake?

- zombie surfer?

- wife bringing home dinner

- bloody mess

- for better or worse? you make the call

2 of 5 zp's 

5/12/08-            
The beginning of this Troma flick tells us how bad of a show it is going to be. "Don't watch this pile of f@#%ing s&*t" the reporter mutters. Then our story begins. We meet Satan and his assistant. Or so we are lead to believe. They tell us the story of the first zombie. Jump to a video store a person takes a movie to the clerk. All of a sudden the customer turns into a zombie and eats the clerk. This show is full of scenes that make no sense. Yet again, it's Troma. For some reason I love the Troma. We also have a couple cops that shoot first, ask no questions later. They play on one another. Acting is bad. Narration is good. I really like the narrator.

Story plot, can I really say that? Zombies are always living around us. At certain times they are mobilized to try to take over the world. Only one can stop the zombie king, well at least his son. I almost forgot - most of this story takes place in a juco - junior college. Do we know why? No. That's how this entire story goes. Is it worth a watch. Sure it is. I would get good and drunk. After that, the movie would be o.k.

- a zombie hunting tiger

- zombie karate/kung fu

- small genetic pool of zombie hunters 

2 of 5 zp's

D 

4/30/08- I just watched the original 1979 version of this flick (cover on the left). I forgot what a great story this is. The zombies aren't great, for the time period they are good. The interactions of our four main characters is what makes this show so good. Mr Romero is on his game with this screen play.

For those who haven't seen this or the remake. The story is about a few people trying to find a safe shelter away from the zombies. Our survivors end up in a mall.They find a safe and secure area and the story begins. I'm not going to go o forever about this one. It's a must see and a keeper for the true fan. Watch the original watch the remake. Both are good. Something about Romeros that still makes for great viewiing.  Get it.

5 of 5 ZP's 

 4/30/08-

Special Forces are on a recon mission in the dense jungles of Cambodia. Mission to locate and evacuate all persons of interest. Of course all are killed. One exception - Dean Cain's character.  Actually the army thinks he's dead. He awakens right before his autopsy is  started.  My first thought was since he's  superman, he can't be killed. In reality its a super scorpion that is turning these dead guys into zombies. The effecta are bad, the cgi is bad, the acting is bad. If you can overlook these details you will be fine. 

As I began to watch this looked remotely familiar. This is a made for tv film. I think I saw it late on night on th scifi. Does that make this film any better. No, not really, maybe more bearable.  Back to the flick. On the base, the dead are coming back to life. On zombie death by head in ceiling fan. Another zombie gets his hand stuck in a meat grinder. The best is beheading by cleaver. The doctors think there is a virus breakout. We know that all of this is caused by radioactive scorpions. I think you get the picture.  This film is silly and meant to be that way. There are discusses on what is the best zombie film, bad superman jokes, and a midget zombie. Highlights

    -    lava lamp microscope slides

    -    zombie hand in a meat grinder

    -    radioactive scorpions

    -    crotch biting midget zombie

2 of 5 ZP's 

4/25/08-

Evil Egyptian queen rises from the dead. She brings her army of zombie mummies to life to help her take over the world. If you've ever heard of this movie or even watched it a time or two, you will know how all of the reviews have not been so great. As I watched, I was expecting the worst. Yes, it was that kind of day. As I began to watch, the beginning had a CGI scene that was one of the worst I've ever witnessed. Believe it or not, the show gets better. The acting isn't too bad, camera work is good, this show surprised me. It really did.

* my disclaimer - there is a fine line, a grey area per say - about zombies, mummies, and zombie mummies. This show is entirely in this grey area. Luckily the 'queen' is hot. The mummy action is alright. You get the picture. *

This movie sucked me in. Like those nights when you've had to many beers and can't find the remote control and the tv is stuck on the scifi channel. This movie is on of those moments. Or maybe I just watched two really bad movies before. I think all of the above. 

The queens tomb is found by a pair of motorcyclists riding through the California desert. Of course both are killed and used to help bring the queen back to life. A team of archeologists arrive on sceen. How they get here isn't quite known. They study the site, the queen sucks the life out of them. She (queen) walks around naked a lot. I do mean a lot. She ends up in a swimming pool. Long story short, she needs to sacrifice a virgin to make her zombie mummy friends immortal. Where can you find a virgin in southern California? Who knows.

The special effects get better as the movie progresses. The story line stays about the same. If you want to watch an entertaining zombie/mummy show, this is it. Remember, there are boobs. The same pair, you see them often. So if boobs are offensive to you, don't watch this. Key points 

- virgin sacrifices

- skull splitting

- 2 spine rippings

- zombie mummies

What else do you want?

3 of 5 ZP's      

A mysterious crate is delived to the wrong location. Dropped off at the Wilson house, not the Wilson Museum. Should we open it? Hell ya! A 7 foot samuri zombie is in the box. Before anything else can be explained, you have to understand that this is a very independent film. It has a small bugdet, not the best of scores, not the best of acting. Really, not the best of anything. With all of that said, it is entertaining. The run time of 84 minutes is really too long. 64 minutes would be fine. Writer/Director Greg Parker did a fine job - remember independent, small budget.

Plot is simple 400+ year old zombie (Koroku) comes to life. Kills a few people. A hired hand is supposed to retrieve him and bring Mr. Koroku back to the museum. Like that is going to happen. To my dismay, the movie ends very quickly. I have a copy of the film signed by Greg Parker. I think that makes it a collectors edition. On a scale of 1 to 5 zp's. I can only give this a 2. Have a few beers and enjoy a true independent flick. 

4/24/08 - 

The beginning of this show warns us how bad it is going to be. It does thank us for giving them money by watching or buying (don't do either). My expectations, already diminished, went to a level even I didn't know existed. This show is bad. Really bad. It begins as three guys are going on a road trip, a spring break road trip. They are looking for one thing. Use your imagination. This show is full of crude humor - if you can call it humor. There's enough fart, poop, and sex jokes to last a lifetime. Does this show get any better? No. About half way thought the show, we actually see a zombie. Its a person with white paint on their face. They stumble around a little. Make a few moans. Thats a zombie? 

If your interested in 100+ minutes of boring dialouge, this show is for you. The zombie action consists of  zombie karate, a zombie motorcycle crash or two, slow walking, and lots of moaning. The grand finale is nothing. This show never ends. As the final climax is about to happen, a man walks out dressed in various colors of orange. He wants to do everyones hair. All the actors leave character (if you can call it that) get into a heated argument then credits roll. How's that for ending? The Cohan Brothers shouldn't be allowed to make movies agian. I'm sorry that I watched this. I have to start my rating systems somwhere. This starts from the bottom. 1 of 5 ZP's   

3/38/08

Just received a copy of this film in the mail today. Review soon to follow. I'm hoping for the best. If you've seen it, let me know your thoughts.

D